Our Chances
by jessica499499
Summary: Jim's been placed in charge of a de-aged Spock, and things between them are changing in ways they never dared dream possible. But with this time slipping through their fingers so quickly, will they have the chance to be what it was predicted they'd become? Or will misconceptions, history and Uhura make things remain the same, when they could be so much better?So much more?
1. He thinks I'm his MOM?

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I just love writing Spirk.

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"Two to beam up now Scotty!"

"Aye Aye Captain! Energizing you and Mr. Spock!"

Scotty stood in front of the transporter pad and watched as two shimmer forms began to appear.

One was the Captain's, but the other's was too small to be any of the ship's officers. The littler form turned out to be a pile of clothes that was being moved about by some unseen force.

Jim had barely materialized before he was kneeling before the little moving bundle and clawing through the fabric.

"Spock! Can you hear me!? Spock!?"

Scotty rushed to his Captain's side and grabbed his shoulder roughly.

"By God, what happened Captain!?"

"The ambassador gave Spock a tonic as a parting gift after we formed the treaty. We scanned it! It was supposed to be fine! They made him drink it before he left and then he started to shrink! When I get my hands on them I'm gonna-"

"Waaa! Waaa!"

Jim pushed back a science blue top to reveal the source of the screeching.

Large watery chocolate brown eyes stared up at him from the face of the cutest baby Jim had ever seen, the adorable pointed ears included. The little thing was completely naked except for the top that covered his waist and Jim was stunned still at the sight.

"Spock?" He whispered tentatively.

The tiny baby paused at the calling of his name and stared up at Jim curiously. Then, like the sun peaking out from behind the clouds, Spock's face broke into a blinding smile.

His tiny hands stretched out to touch Jim's palm and he giggled at the contact.

"Spock…"

Scotty unfroze before Jim did and ran to the nearest intercom.

"Scotty to the bridge. We have a situation in the transporter room, requesting Uhura, Dr. McCoy and Sulu immediately. You aren't going to believe this. Scotty out."

Jim sat down cross legged and placed Spock gently into his lap, careful not to jostle him as he wrapped him up in the science blue top. The infant cooed happily and snuggled against Jim's shirt when he was done.

Not even five minutes later the requested crewmembers had joined them, each shocked at the sight of Jim holding a Vulcan infant.

Their Captain rose as soon as they entered and began giving orders.

"Sulu I want you and a security team to head back down to the planet and find out exactly what was in the drink the natives gave Spock, Bones I want you to take Spock to sickbay and scan him for any immediate danger and Uhura I want you to look into all the info we have about the Utylis. See if they've done this before."

Everyone stood still as stone and didn't react to their Captain's commands right away.

"Now!" Kirk ordered loudly, sending his officers scurrying about to obey his demands.

Dr. McCoy held out his arms for Spock and Jim reluctantly handed over the blue clothed bundle.

No sooner was Spock settled into Bones's arms than he was screaming bloody murder. Everyone in the room rushed to cover their ears from the high pitched wail that the young Vulcan emitted. Uhura was the first to react and quickly snatched Spock from McCoy's arms and thrust him back into Jim's. The moment Spock was once again in the Captain's arms his screeching ceased and he returned to his gentle cooing.

Silence hung in the air for a long moment before Bones spoke.

"What the Hell was that!?"

Uhura sighed and turned to glare at Jim.

"You let him touch you didn't you?"

Jim held Spock closer and nodded.

"Yeah, so?"

The communications officer rolled her eyes and sighed loudly.

"Vulcans are touch telepaths. They bond instantly with the first sentient life form they touch with a compatible mind. That tends to be their mother while they're still in the womb, but if a mother dies they pick the next available like-minded sentient being which, Lord help us all, happened to be you."

Jim looked down at the adorable cooing baby with a panicked look.

"You mean he thinks I'm his Mom!?"

Uhura rolled her eyes and shook her head no.

"He thinks you're his caretaker. He can sense you're a psi null and not related, but he won't accept anyone else as a parent until he's at least 6."

"He can't just turn it off or switch it to someone else? I mean, I can't raise him till he's 6!"

"Calm down Jim. We'll figure this out and get him back to normal. You just need to put up with it till then. You can handle a baby for a little while can't you?"

Spock yawned softly in Jim's arms and suckled on a corner of the top that covered him, looking innocent and adorable.

"Maybe?" Jim muttered, his tone as hopeful as it was questioning.

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I can't wait to finish posting this one. I've had the idea for it stuck in my head for the longest time and I'm finally going to get a chance to post it for the world to read! Hope everyone likes it as much as I do! Please read and review!

PS: There will be a special announcement at the end of this story that will be of great interest to all of my fans and followers!

So stay tuned and keep your eyes opened for updates! I promise this one is going to be awesome!

Yours truly,

Jessica499499


	2. Regret?

Jim was a little nervous. He had never been alone with a baby before now and while he could face an angry Klingon head on and not flinch, the slightest whimper of Spock's was terrifying to him.

Thankfully Spock was still the calmer of the two even at his new age. The little Vulcan babe was content to stare up at Jim's face and play with his fingers, smiling and giggling to himself every few minutes.

Bones had scanned the infant for anything abnormal and said he was in peak condition for a hybrid Vulcan. He'd be fine as long as Jim was at least within 10 feet and not held by anyone else.

It was still uncertain how long Spock was going to be like this, but Nurse Chapel had prepared him for long term baby sitting.

A cradle, a week's supply of formula, and a variety of clothes and toys had been provided and placed in his room while he helplessly stood by with a baby in his arms.

He hadn't planned to be a parent when he'd woken up that morning. Despite the shock of it all though he was secretly pleased to be the one Spock had picked to look after him. He would have been jealous if it had been anyone else. The Vulcan had become very near and dear to his heart and if something were to happen to him Jim never would have forgiven himself. He'd fallen for the Halfling somewhere in between the near death experiences and chess matches and he'd fallen hard.

To lose him now would have been unbearable.

It was almost peaceful to hold Spock in his arms and know that the half Vulcan was safe and secure, instead of having to worry about him being blown up the science labs or hurt on an away mission.

"I always knew you were a cute kid Spock, but I never dreamed this cute." Jim complemented the infant, secretly delighted at being able to do so without worrying about upsetting Spock.

The little Vulcan giggled at the surge of delight emanating from Jim's skin and pressed his palms to Jim's skin to send back his own joy.

Jim jolted at the unfamiliar feelings, but recognized it as the emotional transfer Uhura had prepared him for.

Spock would be able to tell him when he was in need of changing, food or sleep through this bond, even if they weren't touching. Even under the strange circumstances that was still pretty cool.

"I still hope they fix you up soon though. I don't know much about looking after a child. Even if it is you Spock."

Spock wiggled closer to Jim's warmth and held Jim's fingers to his lips. It was too endearing to see Spock act so cute.

Jim was so busy cooing over Spock that he didn't notice Uhura in his doorway until she cleared her throat loudly.

"I looked up everything we had on the Utylis's and spoke to Sulu and the away team. Looks like this was a case of the natives trying to be helpful and things going wrong, except this time it happened to Spock instead of you like it usually does."

"I resent that! It's not my fault bad things happen to me! They just do!" Jim cut in outrage, causing Spock to giggle.

Uhura rolled her eyes and made a 'moving on' gesture with her hand.

"Anyway, seems the queen was very interested in learning more about Spock while he was here. Utylis's are very emotional creatures and very empathetic. When one of them grows up as what they see as emotionally unhealthy they have a ritual for helping them. They believe that all emotional damage is done in the childhood and that the only way to fix them is to let them relive their earlier years with people who will offer them warmth and love.

To them Spock was the absolute worse case of emotional damage they had ever seen. They thought they were helping him and gaining points with the Federation at the same time. Spock's reluctant depiction of his early childhood to them didn't help any; he didn't have the greatest time growing up. We're just lucky she didn't try doing this to you."

Jim leaned against his desk and covered his face with his hand. He'd seen the natives grilling Spock about his childhood and hadn't given it much thought during the negotiations. He'd learned all about Spock's early years over the course of their time

together and he was aware that despite Spock's sugarcoating his life hadn't been the best.

All the adults in his life had been condescending and all the children had been cruel to him because of his mixed heritage. If anyone needed a chance to relive their childhood it would be Spock, but they didn't have the time or the resources to take care of Spock and raise him for back to adulthood.

Uhura noticed his worried expression and sighed.

"Don't worry Captain, the potion they gave Spock won't make him relive his whole life again. He should age a year for every standard week, but he won't have any memories of before now until he reaches the Utylis age of adulthood at eighteen. After eighteen weeks have passed the potion will end and Spock should return to his normal self with all his memories and about a 1/100 chance of having the ones he made while a child. Think you can handle 6 weeks with a growing Vulcan baby?"

Jim looked down on the tiny infant in his arms and smiled slightly.

"Six weeks is better than six years and eighteen weeks is way better than eighteen years. I can look after Spock for that long. I mean, how hard can taking care of him like this be?"

Uhura smiled and wondered how long it would take for Jim to regret those words.

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Here's my chapter two!

Please be sure to read and review!

Yours truly,

Jessica499499


	3. Distress

It wasn't long.

Even as a mere child Spock didn't need as much sleep as Jim did, and it worried the tot to not be able to sense Jim's conscious mind through their parental bond. Jim barely got 4 hours of sleep between his wailing and the transferred uneasiness Spock was feeling at his distance.

It was Uhura that eventual explained that Vulcan babies usually slept in their parent's arms so that the contact of their sleeping minds would sooth their children to sleep as well and familiarize them with their parent's mental signature. It was considered an important part of their bonding.

The first night Jim had been nervous about accidentally rolling over on Spock or transferring bad thoughts to the impressionable young babe, but that fear hadn't lasted long. Spock's mental touch was soothing and harmlessly probing at his subconscious until they were both in a deep slumber.

Jim couldn't say he wasn't fascinated by the whole process, but he was still the captain and having to look over a one year old was a strain. Spock wanted him in his sights at all times and Jim's parental instincts made the feeling just as strong for him. So he spent his whole shift giving orders with a tot swaddled to his hip. The rest of the crew found it hopelessly endearing and were constantly fretting over Spock.

Still the Vulcan gave little notice to their attention, his wide eyed gaze aimed only at Jim. It took the entire first week of their bonding for Jim to be able to convince Spock to allow the touch of others, but their skin had to be covered up at all times or Spock's mind would call out to Jim in panic.

Jim had come to tolerate his crewmate's attentions towards Spock, but found it endlessly annoying when Uhura tried to get Spock to speak her name over and over with no success. The only thing that had made him feel better was when Spock had deliberately looked away from her prodding fingers and stared straight into his eyes as he spoke his first word.

"Jim." He cooed out adorably, making the entire bridge crew awe at his cuteness.

Only Uhura looked away angrily before rushing off to her station. Despite seeing her reaction, Jim still sent Spock mental waves of approval and affection at his choice.

It was strange to watch the accelerated grow of his first officer as each day he grew bigger and more aware of the world around him, testing his strength and stability.

The first time Spock discovered he was stronger than his caretaker was a rather enlightening one for the pair.

It was Jim's shift and Spock was at his side as he always was, sitting atop the captain's lap with much more dignity than anyone thought possible. The ship had been given a series of star charting missions since they'd reported their first officer's condition to Star Fleet. They were in one of the safest sectors of space and there hadn't been any kind of battle or conflict there in over 57 years.

Till today. Out of nowhere alarms began to blaze as a rogue Klingon Bird of Prey dropped out of warp with their weapons set to kill.

Immediately Jim was up and giving orders, commanding his ship with all the grace of an honored admiral even as he held Spock to his chest protectively. Spock was more terrified than he'd ever been in his 5 week old life and his tiny hands gripped Jim's sides tightly. The two ships battled for only an hour, but to Spock it felt like forever as he buried his little face into Jim's chest. It was reassuring to hear Jim's heart beating steadily against his ear, reminding him that Jim was alive and that meant everything was okay.

When it was over and the ship was once again safe Jim's heart returned to it's normal pace and Spock pulled his face from the folds of Jim's gold shirt. Their skin wasn't touching, but Spock could feel the thrill of triumph vibrating from the core of Jim's very being along with a deep seeded pride of his crew.

That pride shone even at him as Jim looked down at him for the first time since the battle had begun. He knew his face was flushed and his eyes were wide, but Jim took no notice of that, instead he just smoothed Spock's disheveled hair back down and held him close.

"You were very good Spock. You did just what you were supposed to do. You didn't make a fuss or panic and distract us. I'm so proud."

Spock allowed the tiniest of smiles to appear on his face and sat quietly as Jim went and made sure that everyone was okay and nothing was critically damaged.

Spock didn't like to speak yet, hating how his words sounded so garbled and unclear through his tiny unpracticed mouth. He knew Jim thought it was cute, but he wanted to be better at it before he tried it in front of others. So he quietly watched Jim interact with the people around them with only the barest amount of envy and was lightly dozing by the time Jim made his way to Sickbay. Jim took notice of his bobbing head and whispered into his ear a quite warning before handing him off to Nurse Chapel.

He didn't like her too firm hold and he forced his drooping gaze to follow after Jim's retreating back. The captain did a quick double check to make sure that Spock was snoozing and his eyes looked just closed enough to be mistaken for sleep.

His groggy mind perked up a bit as Jim flipped his golden top over his head and sat on the nearest biobed. Spock was shocked to see his Jim's skin discolored into unnatural shades of purple and pink. What was worse was that the bruises were shaped like tiny handprints, exact duplicates of his own little hands. Guilt overwhelmed him as he watched Bones wave a scanner over his caretaker's chest and mumbled darkly to Jim about being more careful.

Chapel had other patients in sickbay awaiting her care and was quick to drop Spock off in his and Jim's corridors and be on her way.

Spock was thankful for the privacy and quickly buried himself under the thick covers on his and Jim's bed.

He had hurt his caretaker, his Jim. He could not comprehend that he was capable of hurting the one he cared about most. His eyes misted over with tears that his eyes could not shed.

He had seen an ensign cry over a fallen friend only two days prior and found it disturbing that his eyes could not do the same. It was not the first time that he had noticed the difference between himself and the others aboard the ship, but it had never seemed so plain to him as it did right now.

An hour came and went without Spock's notice until finally Jim entered their darkened room. His steps were quiet and hesitant as he made his way to their bed. Spock kept his breathing even and his thoughts slow so Jim would think he was asleep, but he knew that he hadn't fooled his caretaker. Jim was quick to gather him up in his arms and hold him close.

"You okay Spock? Your mind seems troubled."

Spock curled around Jim's arm and said nothing, merely nodded his head lightly. He was grateful that Jim could only sense the emotion of his thoughts instead of knowing them.

Jim sighed and did not press the subject, knowing that Spock would speak to him when he was ready.

He just let his mind project soothing thoughts through his skin and waited until Spock was asleep before allow himself the same luxury.

He knew in his dreams that Spock couldn't hide from him and there he would be able to understand the cause of his distress.

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I know that Vulcan's can cry and that Spock can cry. But I like the concept and I wanted to throw it in this one. It'll be mentioned a few more times, so don't freak out if you're a hardcore Trekkie and know that that fact isn't a part of the show.

Anyway, thanks for all the support so far! Be sure to read, review and tell your friends!

Yours truly,

Jessica499499


	4. In Dreams

Spock was alone in his quarters, but his ceiling had become a sky filled with storm clouds that twisted and turned like his troubled thoughts. It unsettled him that he was alone and without his Jim. He didn't like to be alone.

No sooner did the thought cross his mind than Jim was at his side, his arms wide and ready for him.

The tiny Vulcan raced into his embrace and snuggled into Jim's top, basking in his caretaker's acceptance.

"Spock." Jim whispered, his question going unspoken but heard.

Spock looked shamefully away from Jim's questioning gaze and instead of answering lifted the top of Jim's gold shirt.

Even in the land of dreams Jim's bruises stood out plainly against his tanned skin. Knowing that Jim could not feel pain here Spock placed his hands against the bruise and aligned his fingers to match it.

"I have hurt you. I am so young yet I am much stronger than you. My ears are pointed and yours are not. I hear better than you and I am the only telepath on the ship. That coupled with my rapid ageing and green blood can only lead me to believe that I am more different than I once thought. I want to know why. Why I am so different? To which world do I belong? Who are my parents? Why am I in your care?"

The clouds above their heads thundered and flashed in violent burst as an unseen wind whipped around them. Spock wiggled free of Jim's hold and stood before him with clenched fists.

"I need to know the truth! Why do you lock these facts from me in your mind?! Why do you tell me nothing of my existence?!"

Jim watch in wide eyed horror at the rage that Spock unleashed at him, wondering how he could have missed the growing wrath inside the tiny Vulcan.

Immediately he was overwhelmed with guilt at having kept the details of his life from Spock. This was a completely understandable reaction and he knew that Spock deserved nothing but the truth.

Without a thought of the mental backlash that Spock could unleash upon his mind Jim knelt before the teary eyed tot and cupped his face between his hands.

"I'm sorry Spock. I didn't mean to keep the truth from you. I just didn't know if you would understand, I see now how wrong I was. I'll tell you everything. All you had to do was ask."

The wind died down as though it had never been and as Spock's hand unclenched and his anger vanished.

"Jim….I didn't know….I am sorry." He whispered softly, ashamed at his outburst.

Jim smiled softly and shook his head.

"You have nothing to be sorry about Spock. You have every right to question the world around you. Next time, just come to me instead of letting your anger build like that. Your kind feel things very deeply, so much so that if you let your emotions have free rein they'll consume you. But you must never deny them, because without that fire inside you, life losses it's meaning. Promise me that no matter what I tell you about yourself that you will not lose that fire."

Spock nodded in confirmation and sat down cross legged next to his caretaker. Jim sighed and gathered his thoughts together.

"You are many things Spock. A child of two worlds, a great first officer, but you have been and always will be my friend….

The two talked for hours about what had transpired before Spock's transformation and Jim didn't sugar coat it at all.

He told Spock everything, from the destruction of Vulcan to the strangling on the Bridge. Spock took it all in stride, asking only the occasional question or query about Jim's tale.

When Jim was finally done he looked to Spock for any reaction to his explanation.

"Do you understand now Spock? I may not be your parent by blood, but I do care very deeply about you. As much as I would if you were my own brother. But if you would rather be in the care of Uhura, your fiancé, I would understand. You weren't terribly fond of me when you were grown and our parental bond will only keep you bound to me for a week more. It's your choice to make."

Spock looked away from Jim and leaned against his side almost tiredly despite this all being a dream.

"I do not wish to be apart from you. Bond or no bond. I do not know this Uhura woman well and whatever she was to my older self she is not to me. If it does not inconvenience you terribly I would request to remain in your company for as long as you will have me."

Jim felt his insides warm at Spock's admission and was secretly delighted to have more time with the Halfling.

"You are always welcome at my side Spock. I will never turn you away."

The tot blushed lightly, but Jim was more focused on the parting clouds above them and feeling the warmth of the sun on his face.

"I'm glad we had this chance to talk Spock. I'm glad your mind chose me. That we were compatible. I always had a feeling we would be…..The older you just never gave me a chance. He never got past what happened when we first met."

Spock could feel Jim's sadness and how it caused the mist like fog that had begun to form around them. He wanted nothing more than to end his sorrow.

"My older self must have been a fool to not give you a chance Jim. It is his loss to never know the depths of your understanding and the warmth of your mind. I will never make his mistake."

Jim's sadness was replaced with a warm feeling of affection and the captain was quick to gather the tiny Vulcan in his arms and shamelessly hug him.

"I hope you remember this time Spock. Maybe when you are grown again this bond will not be lost to us. Maybe we will be the best friends that it was foretold we would be. Like we are now."

Spock stopped trying to escape from Jim's bone crushing hug and looked up at him with awestruck eyes.

"I am your best friend?"

Jim looked up at him from his own musings and flashed an embarrassed grin at Spock.

"I guess I shouldn't assume something like that. I mean it must be hard to have someone like me in your head all the time."

Spock could sense his insecurity and it pleased him in a small way.

"Your mind is nothing but welcome and warm Jim. I would be proud to call you my best friend." He assured his caretaker. The burst of happiness he received at in response was worth more than anything to him.

"Thank you Spock, that means a lot to me."

The two sat a while longer in a silence that held no tension or worry. Together they were at peace as their bodies rested for the day ahead.

Neither were experienced enough with bonds to realize their bond was changing, morphing from that of family, to something more. It's interesting to wonder how things might have turned out if they had known then what it would become. What it would cause.

* * *

Well…what do you think?

Yours truly,

Jessica499499


	5. Fever Dreams

T'Lou arrived at the beginning of Spock's seventh week of life as a child. She was to be his instructor while in his current form and help him deal with his fast paced development. She was old, even by Vulcan standards and had little to offer in the rebuilding of her home, but at least on the Enterprise she could take the place of teacher to Spock.

Jim welcomed her aboard to his ship with all the attention of a visiting of ambassador, despite his reluctance to have Spock taken away from him. He feared for the weakened bond between them now that Spock was no longer a child.

He feared soon it would be Uhura's attentions that he sought, like it had been before Spock's de-aging. He felt certain that he would be forced to watch them fall in love all over again and that it would break his heart.

So he held onto what little time he had left with all his soul, always tensed for the moment what the bond between them would break.

He was sure the recoil would be beyond painful.

Spock was tentative in his reintroduction to the crew. He'd been very clingy as a toddler and even now did not like to be out of Jim's sight. But he had a willingness about him to know more about his environment. His gaze was filled with a curiosity that as an older man he'd barely let be seen, but now seemed always present.

He wanted to learn, to know all there was to know about the world around him. He wanted to be able to be of use to Jim like he had been as a first officer. Every minute of his day while Jim was on the bridge was spent memorizing all the rules of Starfleet, trying to impress his caretaker.

Every night he would greet Jim in their quarters with all the new information he had learned and they would talk for hours about everything. Soon they didn't even have to finish their sentence before they knew what the other was going to say. It was kind of the bond that Jim had always wanted with older Spock. To be as close as Prime had been with his Jim. They were so close that others felt awkward in their presence, as though they were intruding on something incredibly intimate and special.

Something that Uhura didn't understand.

She had been enraged when Jim had explained that Spock did not want to return to their quarter when his and Jim's bond had made it possible for them to be apart. She hadn't counted on them not wanting to be separated.

Jim knew she missed her fiancé and felt bad for her being all alone in the corridors she had shared with Spock before he'd been de-aged. But he felt even worse when he thought of Spock leaving him alone again. It had been bad enough when his first offer had moved out of the room next to him to move in with Uhura and left him without a late night chess partner, but to have Spock taken from him now would be too painful.

It didn't feel like he would be losing a child he had raised or a best friend that he cherished, but someone he cared for. Someone he loved.

And he did love Spock. He loved the way Spock smiled when he thought no one else could see. The way he questioned everything and studied anything he could get his hands on. The way that Spock would touch him now like it was the most natural things in the world, so unlike when he was an adult who flinched at any kind of contact.

Mostly he loved the fact that this Spock wanted to be with him. That he wanted them to be friends. He loved Spock and he hated himself for it, but couldn't stop.

It was just too easy to fall for the rapidly aging boy who he had loved before this all began, especially when he had loved the man he had been before too.

He had no idea that Spock felt the same. The young boy was not ignorant of his growing desire for his caretaker. Jim was always so calm and gentle with him, treating him as though he was the most precious things in the universe. He loved feeling so loved, but it was hard for him to understand what he was feeling.

He knew that Lieutenant Uhura loved him. She always looked at him like he was the center of her world and he knew that she wanted to be with him any free moment she had.

But he didn't want that. The few times they had talked he had tried to understand what his older self saw in her. He had honestly tried to see what about this woman would make him pledge to marry and bond with her.

Yet every conversation seemed to go the same. She was always trying to get him to be who he had been before, to discourage him from acting human in front of anyone else but her, and to only care for her.

The more she tried though, the more he couldn't understand what his older self had seen in her. She wanted him to only be himself with her and hated when he showed the barest hint of affection and emotion to others.

Even if she had been his perfect match in every way he still wouldn't have liked her just because of the way she treated Jim. Even at work she always bordered on the edge of insubordination with the way she talked to Jim. She treated him like he was an idiot and didn't understand anything she said when Jim was clearly a thousand times smarter than her. He didn't need to see their test results to know that Jim's IQ was way higher than hers and her only good traits were her looks and skills with languages.

She was nothing compared to Jim, who overlooked her rude comments and kept her on the ship for her skills. He was above her petty attempts to induce an outburst that could be used against him and Spock respected him all the more for it.

Jim was his idol, his parent, and community leader all in one. In Spock's eyes there was no one in the universe more phenomenal than James T. Kirk and he wasn't afraid to admit it.

He wasn't afraid to be afraid.

From what he knew about his older self he'd spent his whole life trying to be perfectly Vulcan despite his half human heritage. Spock didn't understand that. He wasn't entirely Vulcan and while he could see the logic in being a totally logical being he also saw its flaws.

He wanted to be happy, to smile and not be given weird looks by the rest of the crew, and mostly he wanted Jim to look at him like more than just a child.

He knew his ageing was not natural and that in a few weeks time he would return to the age and person he'd been before the potion that had made him the age he was now, but still….He couldn't believe that would still be him, that he'd still be the same person.

He wanted to be remembered as something different, as someone different, and he was certain no one would, not even Jim.

Because when Jim looked at him there was always a little part of him that knew Jim saw who he had been before. The person he didn't remember being and didn't want to. He'd gone through the materials his older self had 'left' and found little to indicate a personality, let alone happiness.

It had been cold, impersonal in ways Spock hadn't thought a person could live with. He hated being in his former room and found Jim's corridors to truly feel like home.

The future seemed more daunting by the day as he grew notably older with each.

Also with each day that past, with each hour that he was allowed at Jim's side, he found himself growing fonder and fonder of his caretaker. It wasn't until his 14th week that he realized to what degree.

He'd been sleeping in his own bed since his 7th week and had learned how to build barriers between his dreams and Jim's from T'Lou by his 14th.

He couldn't have been more grateful for that fact considering the dream he'd had on the Monday of that week.

He'd allowed his control to slip during his sleep and permitted uncontrollable elements into his dreams. That night he'd dreamt of being on Vulcan, allowing all that he had read about the planet to form a mental image of his lost home world. He found the setting peaceful and hadn't been surprised when Jim had appeared at his side. He found Jim peaceful too.

But he was surprised when the blonde had straddled his waist as he stared at the starlit night.

"Jim?" He'd questioned breathlessly.

The blonde had just smiled down at him as he lay pinned to the ground and brushed a hand lightly down Spock's face.

"Hi Spock." He muttered nonchalantly before leaning down and kissing Spock's neck gently.

"Jim?!"

The blonde didn't stop his actions despite Spock's outraged voice and instead smiled against his skin.

"Hmmm Jim." Spock moaned despite himself as the blonde continued. It felt so good to have Jim's lips on his skin and to look up and see the face of the man he loved.

"Love you Spock." Jim whispered into a pointed ear before nipping at the tip.

"I love you too Jim. Don't stop. Please don't stop." Spock begged without reservation. He wanted this more than he ever thought possible and nothing was going to stop him from enjoying it.

"Jim, Jim, Jim!" He gasped as the blonde continued trailing kisses down his neck and grinding against him.

"Spock?" Jim asked sleepily.

Spock jolted up from his bed and gasped for breath as he stared with dilated eyes at the face that had just been dreaming about making out with.

"You okay Spock? I thought I heard you calling my name." Jim asked before yawning, giving Spock a chance to shift enough to hide the result of how excited that dream had made him.

His cheeks flushed bright green as he realized the state he was in and he wanted nothing more than to die of embarrassment on the spot.

"I'm sorry Jim. I merely had a bad dream."

Jim grinned knowingly.

"I think I know what kind of dream you're talking about. I had the same kind when I was your age."

"You did?" Spock asked timidly, grateful for the understanding Jim was trying to offer.

"Yep, every teenager does. I don't want to you to feel like it isn't normal. Any teenager with Uhura around is sure to have a few wet dreams staring her. It's as natural as breathing, even for half Vulcans."

Spock's blush didn't waver as he kept starring Jim, feeling the fire in his stomach flaring instead of waning.

"I wasn't dreaming about Uhura." He admitted shyly, hating how awkward he felt.

Something flickered through Jim's gaze as he processed this and even through their weakened bond Spock could still feel his surprise and just maybe a little hope.

What was Jim hoping for?

"You can dream about whoever you like Spock, I'll never judge you." Jim assured him with a gentle grin.

Spock wanted to admit to Jim that he dreamed of his caretaker taking him and finishing his latest fantasy but knew he could not.

His personality would only be around for another few weeks, then he would be returned to the stoic man he knew his former self had been. He had no right to act on his feelings and ask Jim to indulge his sincere and desperate desire to love him.

So he kept his silence as Jim offered him one last faint smile before exiting his corridors and leaving Spock by himself.

Every fiber in him urged him to follow the blonde and confess how deeply and utterly in love he was with him, but his resolve was firm. Jim would never know how he felt about him. He would live till his 19th week and then be returned to who he had been before, unwanted fiancé and all.

The thought alone made his eyes mist over and his heart long to weep for what he would never have and would possibly never even recall when he came of age again.

He gave a quiet dry sob over the love he felt in his heart and the knowledge that it would disappear with him, unknown and unwanted.

Little did he know that Jim was giving himself the same pep talk, convincing himself that he had no right to love the poor teen brought into his care. It would not be fair of him to hope it was himself that filled Spock's dreams and overflowed their bond with a fiery desire that he still felt lingering in his veins.

Spock would only be the boy Jim had come to love more and more every day for another five weeks, than he would be forced to deal with the Spock that despised him and wanted only Uhura. His heart ached at the thought and how even now with the hope of his feelings being returned and the prospect of Spock forgetting all of this, he could not offer his heart to the brown eyed boy who already unknowingly possessed it.

It wouldn't be fair to either of them and if Spock did remember a relationship between them beyond what they had now…..After he was returned to normal and it would surely only lead to disaster.

He would not be the thing that broke Spock's and Uhura's relationship because of his secret. He'd kept it far too long for that to ever happen.

So with equal heavy hearts the pair laid in their beds and repeated to themselves over and over that what they were doing was for the best.

Their attempts to avoid each other's heartbreak were placing the very undesired cracks on each others hearts.

* * *

Too nervous to write a author's note. What do you guys think?

Please read and review!

Yours truly,

Jessica4999499


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